We The People
Been wanting to write this post for 5 years (see the post index as proof). As I sit on a train headed to Los Angeles for a cloud security workshop, it’s finally time to get it out the door, for better or for worse. It may be a bit jumbled, consider yourself warned, but at least that’s good evidence that it isn’t AI generated? Anyways…
When I was in college, I had to take a composition course as a prerequisite. Pretty standard stuff. I’ve forgotten most of what I learned, but one lesson snagged a few of my neurons and never let go: “every pronoun needs a clear antecedent.” Never is that more true than with the ubiquitous use of “they” or “them” in reference to “the other”.
At best, the use of they without an antecedent is lazy. But at worst, it’s deliberately divisive: “they decided X”, “they said Y”, “they did Z”… these are all phrases that set the speaker apart from the people being referenced, shifting the locus of responsibility (or blame). Of course sometimes grammar dictates this type of usage, but often not.
How can we counteract this effect? A good step is to name the antecedent: who specifically decided X? Naming is hard but usually not impossible. And naming gives power.
But I want to suggest another approach that’s worth trying out: any time you’re tempted to use the word “they”, pause and ask yourself if “we” is more appropriate. Instead of putting distance between speaker and subject, try to bring them together with inclusivity. This sort of language is used all the time in reference to sports teams (e.g. “we won the championship”) when the speaker wants to claim association with the outcome, but it’s broadly applicable: “we decided X” works perfectly well in reference to your family, the company you work for, the government you participated in an election to choose, and even the society in which you live.
What you’ll find if you make the above a habit is that there is really no such thing as a binary “us” and “them”… everyone and everything sits along a continuum of “we”. And to quote Gandalf, “that is an encouraging thought” (or at least it should be!) in both personal and professional contexts.
One concrete way this manifests in the latter: when company decisions have to be communicated to teams, it’s critical for front-line managers to use “we” and “us” when speaking about said decisions, even when they were not part of the group deciding, and especially if they disagree with the decision. If a person cannot do that, they are not ready for leadership, full stop.
Is that hard? Yes. But it’s the gig.
