Kindness Trumps Rightness

Regularly I’ll hear people claim “I don’t care what anyone says about me.” While I appreciate the sentiment of confidence such a statement is intended to communicate, I believe it’s unhelpful, for several reasons.

First, I don’t believe it’s possible. Humans are social creatures, and much of our mental software is set up to be concerned with our standing with other people. Some of us perhaps more so than others can set that aside at times, but no one can turn it off completely.

Second, living with disregard for others’ perspectives on your own life and actions deprives you of valuable wisdom. Of course one shouldn’t take all opinions equally, and one must discern how to synthesize the input of others with your own evaluations. But more data is rarely a bad thing. Listen, then decide.

Most importantly, however, is that knowing how those you come in contact with feel about you is a healthy way to measure if you’re having a positive influence on them. At the end of the day I want every person I interact with to come away feeling that their lives are better for having known me. That’s more valuable than pretty much any other measure of impact I can imagine, and it’s true both personally and professionally. Absolutely nothing is more important to your career than being kind. Not education. Not skill. Not drive. Nothing.

So yes, I care what everyone says about me. And you should too.