Have It Your Way
My first real job was at Burger King, which I got at my dad’s behest the summer of 1994. I was only 15 years old, and what I could do was pretty limited (no food prep, nothing to do with the deep fryer, couldn’t even do dishes because of knives). But what I could do was operate the register and take orders. On balance it was a positive experience, not least because it taught me how to talk to strangers.
I’ll never forget one particular aspect of my training. There was a question we were expressly forbidden to ask when interacting with customers, and if we ever did, even accidentally, our manager would yell at us from across the kitchen. The question?
Is that it?
Why was it verboten? Because it shuts down conversation. In social situations humans are wired to want to answer questions in the affirmative, and a “yes” response to that question means no more items to add to the order, and my corporate overlords definitely didn’t want us to encourage customers to stop adding fries, drinks, desserts, and more. What question were we instead instructed to ask?
Is there anything else?
The difference is significant, as an affirmative answer here encourages the customer to go ahead and keep ordering, subtly suggesting that perhaps there’s more they would enjoy. I realize now, though, that there’s an even better way to nudge a person to continue speaking what’s on their mind.
What else?
I first picked up this simple but effective question from one of my managers at AWS, as he would use it throughout our 1-on-1 meetings to get me to be honest about what I was thinking and feeling about my job. This question works because unlike the prior one, it assumes that a person already has more to say, nudging them to say it. I know it worked on me (I had no shortage of opinions to share, no doubt).
It reminds me of another short but powerful prompt that can take a conversation to the next level:
Tell me more.
When trying to listen actively, it can be a challenge to think of relevant follow-up questions in real-time, especially with a person who’s taciturn, or if you don’t have a prepared agenda. “What else” and “tell me more” are great because they can be used at any lull in the conversation; keep them at the ready, and they won’t let you down.
“For millions of years, mankind lived just like the animals. Then something happened which unleashed the power of our imagination. We learned to talk and we learned to listen. Speech has allowed the communication of ideas, enabling human beings to work together to build the impossible. Mankind’s greatest achievements have come about by talking, and its greatest failures by not talking. It doesn’t have to be like this. Our greatest hopes could become reality in the future. With the technology at our disposal, the possibilities are unbounded. All we need to do is make sure we keep talking.”
Stephen Hawking